Off tangent…
You say you don’t want to be an “afterthought”. Neither do I. I wonder sometimes why I’m even around. Someone to talk to perhaps? Someone to borrow money from and never pay back? Or perhaps just a little bit of sanity in your life. Perhaps you feel you need to retaliate at me. Perhaps you feel that I need to feel the pain you must feel. You’re so wrong. I feel pain each day, each moment that I talk to you. You build this wall around you and you never let anyone in. I would like to think that perhaps I tore down a small part of that wall so I could at least see inside. Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn’t. Who really knows. I’m just tired really. I’m tired of the games we play. I’m tired of the stupid little things that are done perhaps to “test” each other. I’m just tired. And please don’t ever think that you’re an afterthought. You never were, and you always knew that.
People never see the inside. All most people see are the outside. Something which without the insides, the soul, would only be a shell. An empty corpse with no mind of it’s own. Perhaps if people took the time to get to know what’s inside someone, they might realize that people are not so different after all. Of course, this kind of thing has been said a million times by other people. I suppose I’m really in a weird mood. I’m feeling good, but at the same time I feel a bit...melancholy. I guess that’s the word. I don’t think I’m depressed, which is what most people would think. I’m not really depressed or lonely. I’m just content, but not content. I guess what I’m really waiting for is the last 30 minutes of the movie. Where everything turns out ok, and the guy gets the girl, and lives happily ever after. Too bad my life isn’t a movie. That would just rock. 
Speaking of movies, I bought the Dogma Collector’s Edition today. Great movie. I also started watching Kindred:The Embraced again. Also picked up Queen of the Damned and started reading that again the other day. What is this obsession I have with vampires and vampirism? I’m not altogether sure. Although I would think that it would be incredibly great to become a vampire, I’m not so sure about that “immortality” thing. I mean look what it did to the Highlander. “Who wants to live forever” right? Live on, only to watch your loved one pass away. How much more sad can it get? In a way, Kindred could be the same. Of course, you could “embrace” a human and you could potentially live together forever. But who would want to bring someone over to a life you hate? (provided you do hate it of course) I don’t know. Maybe I’m just tired.
So here I go again.
