Somehow in this crazy world, life is really just like a movie. Of course, one would also say that movies are based upon real life, which could be true, but nah. 
Most people think that things always happen to other people. You know, things like unsolved mysteries. Somehow the reality of those situations never really hit you until it does happen to you. I mean total unsolved mysteries. Sure, there’s probably an explanation for all of it. But somehow you just never get to know what it is do you? And many times, you never find out. That’s the sad part. Sure, you’ll go on with your life, you’ll get married, have kids, etc etc. But you never found out what really happened. It’s sad, I suppose. You want to know the whole story, the whole scoop. But you never find out.
But you know, then there are those instances when you find out what did happen, and wish you had never heard anything at all. You find out things that you never wanted or needed to know. Things thats eat deep into your soul and crush it.
Sad things happen to many people. You just never think that it’s going to be you.
Watched Singles yesterday. Love that movie. I saw it at Best Buy on DVD for real cheap, had to get it. So many scenes I forgot about. The blue shirt, the dating video ("Debbie Country” LOL!!), and many more. God I love that movie. Had to make the pic of the moment the Robert Doisneau picture of Kiss by the Hotel de Ville. Anyone who’s been over to my place has seen the poster I have of it I’m sure. I LOVE that movie. lol
It’s a Madonna day. Definitely Madonna. Definitely.
Happy days!
Off Tangent...
What makes sense in this world? Is there anything that makes sense? Why must people lie? Do lies comfort them? Are they easier to to believe than the truth? Why can’t people just be honest with each other. Lay the cards down on the table and say, “here’s what i’ve got, take it or leave it.” Why must people think that there are no nice people in the world? Why do people have a hard time trusting? Not everyone is bad. Not everyone has a hidden agenda. Not everyone wants everything. Sometimes just being close is good. Sometimes just knowing that that one person will always be there is good. Knowing that even though it’s been 10 years, you can still go back and it would be just like yesterday. I don’t exact revenge. I don’t ask for retribution. I don’t have malice. All I have is what I give, take it or leave it, it’s up to you. I don’t have a hidden agenda. There are no hidden meanings in my words. I don’t lie. What purpose would lying have? It would most likely be found out later that I was. Then what? Make up another lie? Where does it end? Sometimes you have to accept someone for just what they are. There are no games, no tricks, no angles. Just me. That’s all. Choose to believe me, or don’t. I don’t control anyone’s life. I never have, never will. People must think I am the most naive idiot in the world. That’s ok. I know what I know, and that’s fine with me. I don’t choose the way things happen. They just do. I have to have faith. I have to have belief. I just wish that people would have faith in me. Faith that I could be there to help them through the hard times when they need me. Faith that I will always have an open door for them when they need a place to stay. Faith that I will always give them food to eat. Faith that I will give them money when they need it the most. But I will never contribute to the lies that they would say. I would never encourage a life of illusion, or deceit. Sometimes I think that there are very few of us who are honest left. I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink, I don’t even gamble. Yet I’m the bad one. I’m the one to blame when there’s something wrong. I’m the one who has been in error. And because of friendship, because of love, I will accept that. But don’t ever think that I am naive enough to believe that it’s true. No. I only believe because of friendship. Because of love. I believe, because I choose us.
Never give up! Never Surrender!
Sometimes, some people just don’t want to be found. At least that’s what I think. But then, sometimes, people just end up missing. And you never find them again until years later. And wish you had found them long before anything ever happened. Hard times. Definitely some hard times.
People really test me, I know it. Ugh… This sucks!
I’d just like to quote a song for right now:
“You took me in, and you drove me out, you had me hypnotized.
Lost and found and turned around by the fire in your eyes.
I’ve seen your face a thousand times everyday we’ve been apart.
I don’t care about the sunshine, yeah.
Cuz mama… mama I’m coming home...”
Why are there so many love songs? Is everyone so happy? It must be nice to be in love with someone and spend all that time with them. Wish I could love like that again. I think I’m just tired of being alone. Lonely? Depressed? Perhaps. But I’m just tired. I mean really. Tired. It really sucks when I’ve done something or accomplished something or even saw something cool and I’ve got no one to turn to and say, “hey, look at that!” It’s tedious. I so hate games. I’ve never played games. I’ve always laid all my cards out on the table, and pretty much said, “here’s what I’ve got.” There’s no cards up the sleeve, trick aces, or whatever. All I want is to be happy. That’s all. Why in the world is that so tough? I mean, lies, lies, lies. Women say that men lie all the time. Unfortunately, not all women are all too honest. I’m not saying that women are outright liars or that they’re lying. Maybe they don’t even know it. Maybe something just slipped their mind and they forgot. But after it happens for the millionth time, it gets really old. And I always give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean, say I caught the lie. I would turn the other way and believe what they say because they say no, they didn’t lie. Naive? Perhaps. Love is blind. I choose to close my eyes because I care so much for them. Perhaps I just don’t want to lose them. Maybe their taking advantage of me. Who knows. It’s not like I don’t know they’re taking advantage of me. I allow it to happen. I care too much for them to be in misery whether it be for any reason. Am I too trusting? Perhaps. What is a relationship without trust? Of course, it does have to be both ways, right? I think at this point in my life, I’m so used to having women take advantage of me that I simply look the other way. Perhaps it’s self pity. Perhaps it’s desperation. Who knows. All I know is, I’m been so unselfish for so long, I’m tired of it. It’s like the song by the Smiths. Please, please, please let me get what I want. It’s always about pleasing the other party. Always about doing stuff for her. Because I want to help her to be happy. I’m just tired of that now. I want to be happy. People can change, yes. I’m ready for a change. I’m ready to start my own life, and not someone elses. I’m tired of living for someone else. I’m tired of being there for someone when they’re never there for me. Sometimes I need someone to turn to and hold me. I need love too. I’m high maintenance I’m sure. But I’m also a very simple man. I want one thing and one thing only. Just someone to love me as I love them. That’s pretty much it. I want honesty. I want walks in the park. I’ve had many women tell me that I’m such a great guy, and there’s no woman who wouldn’t take me. I have yet to find that woman. I have yet to find a woman who looks beyond the superficial, who looks for the insides. Of course, you need to have a physical attraction. There is no doubt about that. But I’ve met many women, and very very few have actually thought of me as attractive. Well, I guess that’s good for them. I know who I am, I have no doubts of where I’m going. I’m just tired of the games, that’s all. I’m simply looking for a good time. Someone I can go to the movies with and enjoy it. Someone who can go out to dinner with me and just talk about anything, or nothing at all. Someone who can just sit down and watch tv with me and just watch tv. Someone to spend time with. Someone to just talk to. Someone to just not talk to. Someone with whom I can spend hours with, say nothing at all, yet speak volumes. It’s really amazing isn’t it? I mean I guess that’s a lot to ask from a person. Man, I’m so demanding aren’t I?
Why bother anymore? Man, I’m tired.
Just a thought.. wouldn’t it just be cool if you could go to the Body Shop and just get a new body? “Yes I’d like to have the Arnold Swarzeneggar body today, thanks.”
Met Rachel, Vince’s friend today. She was pretty damn cool. We all went to go see Planet of the Apes. Great movie. A bit disconcerting, and like Dana was saying, I was a bit freaked out about it, but it was still pretty good. Later, we went to Shogun’s for dinner. Great food there. It’s a Japanese restaraunt, teppankyaki, where they cook right in front of you and give you a show. Great food!
Ate some ice cream today as well. Shouldn’t have, but glad I did. It was really good. Banana with Butterfingers. mmm good.
It was a pretty damn fun day I’d say. Still love the car.
And it just warms my heart to know that Dylan still likes me. That’s really really cool. *beams* Oh, and he thinks my car is cool too. But then again, at 8 years old, I thought everything was cool about most adults too.
Off Tangent:
So far. So far away. Yet...so close. I can almost feel it. Touch it even. Why must things be so difficult? Why must their be pain involved with pleasure? Who wrote the rule book on life? Where are the rules of life? Why are there rules? Why must we be bound within limits? Why not let our imagination roam and wander? Throughout history those who had new ideas, new concepts were met with skepticism, even persecution. Why should it be thus? Why would anyone want to suppress the cure for cancer? Overpopulation? Perhaps. Life is too full of surprises. But that’s what makes life great. There are ups and downs, but alas, we must have both. If there is not one, we cannot appreciate the other. Does karma exist? If so, when will it end? Is there such a thing as coincidence? Is it fate perhaps? Destiny? Do you know who your soul mate is? Have you ever felt so secure, so safe with someone? Do you have that someone that makes you happy inside when you’re with them? Do you ever feel that when you’re with them, there is nothing that can’t be solved, that can’t be fixed? Are you fortunate to have someone that will always be there for you? To help you, to guide you, to lend a hand, have a shoulder to cry on? Do you have a best friend? Do you have someone who knows all your secrets, all your worries, your troubles, your fears, your regrets? Do you have any regrets? What was the happiest day you remember? What was the saddest day you remember? What was your most embarrassing moment? Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever met the one? When you do, never let go. Just remember that. Never let go. Because that person, even though you have not talked to them in days, months, years, will always be there for you, ready to welcome you with open arms. So never let go. Love is real. Everything else is just a fantasy.
“Across the gateway of heart, I wrote:
“No Thoroughfare.”
Love came laughing by and said,
“I enter everywhere."”
- Unknown
Off Tangent...
I’m tired. Just tired. Tired of all the hustle and bustle, of all the running around. I’m just ready to sit down, relax and enjoy the time I have. No need to go out and make millions of dollars, or be successful. I’m just tired of all that. I just want to be happy. Amazing how such a simple thing can be so complicated to achieve. Isn’t it?
You ever have those days where it just seems like you feel it couldn’t get any better? But when you sit down and think about it, you’re not as happy as you thought? I guess I’m just ready to share the happiness I want to have with someone else. I’m just tired is all. Tired of all the games we have to play. Tired of having to worry about tomorrow when I should be living now. Carpe Diem, right? Seize the Day? Capture the moment? Live in the now? Just do it. Amazing, isn’t it? How you can sum up life in just a few words. I mean we go throughout our lives, living each day, hoping that tomorrow will be better, only to find out, it doesn’t always get better. Or worse. It just stays where it is. It’s the same thing as yesterday.
I say live each day as if it were your last. Do what you want to do today, and not wait unitl tomorrow. Carpe Diem! Don’t live your life regretting what could have been or could be. Live your life now. Right now, you’re ok. The future is not set. Believe that right now, at this moment, you’ll do what is right. You’ll live the way you want to live. Right now, Life is good.
So am I happy you ask? *shrug* I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t know. And knowing is half the battle. Don’t live your life thinking of what tomorrow may bring. Just live. Just take things in small doses. You know that right now you have to do it. So Just do it. Don’t sit there and wait for it to happen. Make it happen. If it should, it will. If it shouldn’t, it won’t.
So again, I have to ask, am I happy? To be honest with you, no. I’m not. There feels in my soul to be an empty hole, a crevasse which needs to be filled. My soul weeps and my life drains along with it. I have accepted all my misfortunes, all my mistakes, all my wise decisions. These are all mine. I made my own mistakes, and I will not let it bring me down. And I’m tired.
Just got done watching The Family Man. Great movie. Although I love just about any Nicholas Cage movie, this one was great! Just loved how he was put into the situation and how he handled it. Classic Nicholas Cage. It was one of those It’s a wonderful life movies, and even had the bell. I don’t think it did too well in the box office though. Shame because it was a great movie. Just makes me wonder if I could take a “glimpse” of what my life would have been like if I had done something different. Rather curious.
Finally!!! I got my car. Chevy Cavalier Z24 Coupe fully loaded, with all the works. And the most important things? It’s got AC (thank God), and it’s an automatic! I am soooo tired of using the clutch. I’m so glad that I do not have to push down on that thing everytime I have to start the car, slow down, start up, etc etc etc. Having a manual is just a pain in the ass in traffic. Also, it’s got power steering. I know that may not be a big deal to most of you folks out there, but believe me after driving a manual steering vehicle, you learn to appreciate it. Trust me on this. Let’s not forget the power windows, keyless entry, CD player with cassette player (although I have YET to use that. and a radio. The speakers are great in it. The rear speakers are subwoofers, so that kicks in the bass really well, which I do like. The engine is a 2.4 liter 4 banger at 115 hp. It’s a nice little car. Not quite the Monte Carlo SS that I really wanted, but hey, who’s got $30K to spend right? hehe.
Regardless, I’m really liking my car. I think mainly it’s because I’ve never owned a brand new car before. Meaning, I’m the ONLY person who has owned it. I’ve always had used cars, which have done me a great service I think. (I really miss my Plymouth Valiant. It had that really nice engine in it. 318 V-8. But I wrecked that one. Or blew it up. I can’t remember, but I’m sure my dad does. He’s a car GENIUS. hehe) I’d like to make some modifications to the car, work on this and that. Just want to be able to do everything on my own for the car. Make my dad proud since he’s the greatest mechanic I’ve ever known (and probably will ever know too!). And plus, it’ll be fun and enjoyable. (at least I think so) Of course, I might have been watching too many NASCAR races, Gone in 60 Seconds too many times (GREAT movie), and loving The Fast and Furious way too much. No, no NOS for me. I don’t think I can handle that. I’m not looking to do any major engine rework. Probably none in the first year for that matter. I want the car to just look good. So I can pick up all the “hot chicks” as it was so pointed out to me. No thanks. Any woman who loves me for my car is not my type.
Other than that, not much else is going on right now. I’m working hard at work, we’ve got a lot of projects going on that need some serious attention. I’m hoping to wrap up a lot of that so I can consider taking a good vacation sometime in the future. Take my car out for a road trip.
Gotta get back into working on my music as well. I’ve totally been neglecting that part.
Off Tangent:
I’m in such a good mood today. Not just because of my car. I think it’s because of many things put together. I think I’m doing alright now. Of course, being the ultimate pessimist that I am, I’m wondering how long it will last. Since I’ve obviously got bad karma, I’m wondering when it’s going to get bad again. But no worries. Right now, at this moment, I’m good. I’m content with life. Life is good. How could it get any better than this?